tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12280871424106334192024-03-21T15:07:12.956-04:00Mea's worldMy work, my creativity, my life, my world.Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-68155415025288670552013-03-02T09:00:00.000-05:002013-03-02T11:59:01.772-05:00How would you define happiness?I am a firm believer that if something doesn't make you happy, then you shouldn't do it.<br />
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Well apparently that is a pleasure seeker's notion...<br />
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Now I have a question, how do you define happiness?<br />
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Does it mean pleasure? Sure it does, pleasurable activities make us happy.<br />
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Does religion make us happy? Sure it does, you can set your mind at ease, there is something bigger than you in this universe and it helps soothe our fears. It's also a way to be part of a community that share similar values and ideals to you. The people that you see at the place you worship are people that you can relate to on some level. Knowing that you are not alone does make you happy.<br />
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Now, here is another question; would an easy life make you happy?<br />
I don't know the answer to that, but I do think the following.<br />
An easy life does not always mean you are happy. If everything always worked out the way we wanted it to every single day, life would be like a roller coaster that only goes up.<br />
Where is the challenge and the ability to reach our potential? Lack of challenges will make us...Miserable.<br />
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Now, here's another thing. If I define happiness as a way of life and that certain actions will lead to happiness (basic idea from Greek philosophy and virtue ethics) It does not mean that everything I do will make me happy instantly. Another example, I hate going to the gym. The time I spend running on a treadmill is torture. It does not make me happy at that instant. Thankfully my body releases endorphins and I feel great afterwards. (It also has this awesome effect on my appearance and that boosts my confidence which makes me even happier)<br />
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Now that previous paragraph seems to contradict my opening statement and firm belief. Well maybe not... I didn't give a time limit, and I did not refer to a shallow version of happiness.<br />
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Happiness cannot always be derived from instant gratification. If we always succumb to what we want now, there is a great possibility that we will miss out on something more wonderful later on. (Patience grasshopper)<br />
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I don't understand one thing though. Why would you be stuck in a job that makes you miserable if you have the option to change it? Why would you want to be miserable if you can change any of your circumstances? To be a martyr? Surely not. Are you going to waste this ONE life that you have on things that make you so hollow and miserable... Let me tell you, if you are, I think you are wasting your life away. If you only had one day left on this planet, would you spend that day doing all the things that make you feel wretched?<br />
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I am not saying that you should be irresponsible and there are some things that we all need to do that aren't going to make us happy all the time, but I feel that we have become so rooted in one place that we forget that maybe life has more to it than doing what we have to. There are people out there who discover their talents and potential and that makes them happy. I want to be like that, I want to be so happy that people around me become happy.<br />
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<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/happiness">http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/happiness</a><br />
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Oh and I know this is probably ridiculous, but the seen and heard section gives you a good idea what happiness means to others. (Thanks to the person who made me want to write this. Your view of how I define happiness gave me an insight to the human psyche)<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-2648878892114045622013-03-01T19:39:00.001-05:002013-03-01T19:39:35.111-05:00This is probably a can of worms, sorry if I offended you- you must be married and in your twenties.<br />
<i>"Your 20's are your selfish years. It's a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all aspects of you. Tinker with shit, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little and never touch the ground" </i>- Kyoko Escamilla<br />
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Damn straight. Now that is what I am doing. I tried to settle down and I couldn't. I am not ready for any of it. I want to explore without having to think that I have a husband and a child that need me to be around.<br />
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I want to tell stories. I want to have a collection of photographs that show what I have seen and I want to be able to say that I have met people who are entirely different to what I would be exposed to if I stayed at home. I want to be able to say that it's possible to be nomadic, and enjoy it in this world that seems to demand stability.<br />
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So I do think that someone who is on the other end of the scale might read this and call me bitter. (Go ahead, really) I'm not bitter at all, I just know that if we had to swap places... I would not be as happy as you.<br />
I also know that I have friends who are in a similar position as me and we seem to feel a bit isolated at times, because we seem to be the outliers. Let me tell you, being an outlier isn't a bad thing at all. I have had the time of my life when I was forced to be an outlier and now I don't really want to be part of the group anymore.<br />
When you notice that everyone around you is getting engaged, married and having kids and you're not there yet... Just remember, you have the time to do those things that you can only do in your twenties before real responsibility kicks in and we have to be all grown up.<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-67832141253847573512012-12-03T10:39:00.001-05:002013-01-13T05:21:09.907-05:00SorryI can't seem to write anything that isn't filled with a hint of melancholy and weak philosophical reasoning.<br />
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Happy 2013!<br />
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I will be back posting as soon as I'm done being introspective.Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-9704864372792493742012-11-27T02:22:00.002-05:002012-11-27T02:22:36.930-05:00Questions lead to panic attacks... Seriously...I've been asked so many questions in the past few weeks and since I rarely use my brain to its full potential, I have no idea how to answer them.<div>
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Every time someone asks me a question, I keep on thinking the following "How am I going to answer this without sounding like a) a geek b) really dumb c) a bit crazy d) all of the above?"</div>
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I swear it's mini panic attacks like these that make me think that I don't interact with people enough. This leads to another panic attack. I start to think that I should interact with people more, but they might want to hug me or touch my hand or heavens forbid my face and then I am going to die from some weird disease, because I'm immunocompromised since I fell in love with hand sanitizer.</div>
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It's a vicious cycle and then the person who asked me the question can see from my facial expressions that something strange is going on and then... Well it leads to more questions and they probably think that I'm a bit strange anyway.</div>
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I just can't seem to win.</div>
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Thankfully I haven't developed a weird twitch yet. That would be really awkward to explain.</div>
Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-28457845143610481582012-11-25T18:49:00.000-05:002012-11-25T18:49:30.110-05:00I did go work out, but it became incredibly strange... Oh well...Hallelujah, I can use my laptop again, it probably heard me when I threatened to replace it with something new and shiny...<br />
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I decided to go work out after a whole whopping two months of being <strike>lazy</strike> sick, working my butt off and exams. I'm hurting and I can't lift my arms, so I guess I had a good work out.<br />
I think if you spend enough time at the gym, you always end up seeing the same people after a while. This was the case the last time I worked out. I would see the same guy every day and we would always greet each other by nodding or if it's early in the morning I would just grunt and stumble towards the closest treadmill.<br />
At first I found this camaraderie a bit unnerving. I would start my work out looking relatively decent and then become a huffing, puffing, red faced, frizzy haired, sweaty mess and he would just... have glistening, well toned, buff muslces. It's all pretty distracting.<br />
Somehow I adjusted to the weirdness of it all and found it comforting to see a familiar face at the gym, even if we don't talk, we have some form of a bond (or I would like to think that)<br />
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Today he broke the rule. Hew spoke to me. I thought that I was going to die. What happened to the casual nod that acknowledges my presence? He had to announce to everyone that he hasn't seen me around in a while and is glad that I am back. All of this made me so nervous that I couldn't stop giggling and I tripped over an untied shoelace. I don't even think I even uttered a coherent sentence.<br />
Seriously, if anyone wants to know why I am still single, the above mentioned is exactly why.<br />
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I will go work out again tomorrow and if anyone does talk to me, I will hopefully be able to string a few words together.<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-89249923083534985472012-11-23T23:18:00.000-05:002012-11-23T23:18:09.950-05:00Yes, exams are over and it emphasizes that I have no life...Here's to my computer being useless... I can't seem to update my blog from it, so I have to use my iPad with its shitty autocorrect. Ugh. Curse you gods of technology... <br />
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I have successfully survived exams and I'm possibly suffering from post exam blues, which suck. What did I do Before the horror that is exams? I am apparently incapable of keeping myself preoccupied. All I could think of is to completely geek out and start reading... I finished a game of thrones and after being haunted by dragons and weird inbred, murderous kings in my dreams I am now looking for a more social pastime...<br />
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I might just have to buy a cat, but they plot the murder of their owners constantly...<br />
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I have no idea what I'm saying...<br />
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Happy holidays everyone we survived black Friday! Remember to take your vows of poverty after buying a whole bunch of needless items just because it was on sale! <br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-58803342393689958632012-10-23T22:51:00.000-04:002012-10-23T22:51:01.258-04:00Thank you...Its all a bit crazy right now. I'm trying to find sanity and tranquility and all I can think of is that it's the last thing I will find in this mad, crazy world.<br />
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Some days I wish I had a calmer spirit and a heart that wasn't bound to my sleeve.<br />
I might be mistaken, but drowning in raw emotions is obviously not the best way to go about things.<br />
Sometimes I think that being too real and being too transparent is what makes me seek solitude.<br />
In my own little world where no one can judge what I feel, how I express myself and how badly I sing.<br />
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I always thought that life was easy and uncomplicated. That is, until I realized how bizarre my little world is to everyone else. I left my little world for the past eight months and I lived behind a brick wall that closed me off from everyone. I'm slowly but surely moving back, brick by brick.<br />
In my world we're all honest and we say how we feel and we dance when the music is good. We drink tea and live for more books and we cry when we watch sad,soppy romantic movies. We express our love for life and we appreciate people for who they are, not for what they have. I guess my world is a bit naive, but it's a place where it's okay to have flaws, scars and broken hearts. It's better to have learnt those lessons than to be sheltered from feeling anything good or bad. It's a world where the risk of loving is worth more than not having loved at all. Every shattered piece of a mangled heart might be more vulnerable than a whole heart that has never felt the ecstasy of love, but it also has more compassion.<br />
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I want to make it a goal of to tell people how much I appreciate them, not everyone gets to feel appreciated often enough. I want to give more hugs (as soon as I get over my dislike of being touched by strangers) I want to see more smiles and I want to feel happiness radiate from every pore in my being.<br />
I want to tell everyone important in my life that I love them, I want to do it on a daily basis.<br />
I want a life without limits and I want a heart without limits. I want to give all that I can and feel all that I can. I want to be a ray of sunshine and I want to give hope.<br />
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Actually... All I want is to give everyone in my life a reason to smile, especially since they have given me the most precious gift they possibly could. They love me, my scars, bruises, flaws and imperfections. They have accepted me as I am and held my hand in the times that I could barely function as a person. They have helped me heal and they still wipe away my tears when I'm having a bad day (which is happening less often)<br />
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Thank you everyone who has helped me pick up the pieces of a very broken heart. I'm sorry if some of you got cut along with me in the process, I really appreciate it and I love all of you dearly for giving me a reason to smile and to be as whole as I possibly can be.<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-32468916206868296562012-10-07T16:20:00.000-04:002012-10-07T16:20:02.515-04:00Blossom No one remains whole in this mad world. All we can do is give as much love with the shattered pieces as we possibly can. <br />
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Life moves too fast to not take some chances.<br />
I will have to remind myself to think of one of my favorite quotes this week. <br />
"And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" - Anais Nin <br />
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I guess now would be the time to blossom, I can't remain closed off in my little world forever. <br />
<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-82302648691940998922012-09-25T23:35:00.002-04:002012-09-25T23:35:29.620-04:00I'm still alive...I just can't seem to get myself to write anything.<br />
All I can do for now is breathe...Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-80270547196229347122012-08-27T11:14:00.000-04:002012-08-26T23:16:52.694-04:00How about I have ADD and leave my heart out of this...<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So I saw this quote by <span style="line-height: 1.35;">Henri Frederic Amiel. (Apparently, we all know you can't trust the internet much)</span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 1.35;"><i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">"If you want to know where your heart is, look at where your mind goes when it wanders" </span></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 1.35;">Okay, so I thought about it and this is it.</span><span style="line-height: 1.35;"> </span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Am I listening to Mozart or Schubert right now? (Don't judge me)</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Will these sleeping pills work?</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Wonder if I should go make popcorn.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I should have bought Nutella.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Run.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Oh my, pretty shoes.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I want a monkey thought translator, a monkey named Steve and a secret lab. I have to stop watching Cloudy with a chance of meatballs...</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Wonder what my dogs would tell me if I had a dog thought translator</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Oh look, texts from my dog.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Wow, Freud doesn't seem like such a nice person.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My throat hurts, wonder what disease is killing me according to Google. </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Skinner wasn't a nice person either... </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">People are weird... </span></span><br />
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<span style="line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">SO what the hell does that say about where my heart goes?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="line-height: 21px;">ADD, that's what it s</span><span style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 21px;">ays.</span></span><br />
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Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-63848859656905393382012-08-18T00:12:00.000-04:002012-08-18T01:04:27.881-04:00It this really real?!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This annoys me...</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Okay, now here is why this gets on my nerves.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I am addicted to Pinterest and I have been seeing this image all the time. One comment that got to me was the following <i>"<span style="background-color: white; color: #211922; line-height: 14.850000381469727px;">These are all beautiful women, but I'd rather look like a beautiful, curvy vase than a stiff, little popsicle stick"</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #211922;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 14.850000381469727px;">Really? C'mon people play nice. Not everyone can look like a Dove model and I'm not going to insult them because I cannot look like a model for REAL beauty. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #211922;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 14.850000381469727px;">To be honest, I am annoyed with Dove as well. Where is the diversity? These women all have a similar body shape, there is only one short woman, and why do they all look more or less the same age? This isn't real either, it's a marketing scheme like ALL adverts. They chose women who have the most identifiable body type that are probably in the age category that correlates with the majority of Dove product users.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #211922;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 14.850000381469727px;">The models in the VS campaign all have personal trainers and work really hard to maintain their bodies. They might not represent most women, but there are women who can identify with them. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #211922;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 14.850000381469727px;">Beauty comes in ALL shapes and sizes, so love yourself and don't be mean to someone who doesn't fit your idea of real beauty. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #211922;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; line-height: 14.850000381469727px;">My goodness, the world does really seem like a shallow pool this week. </span></span></div>
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Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-78823063395879195442012-07-28T21:58:00.000-04:002012-07-28T21:58:58.307-04:00Finally...It's weekend.<br />
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I have so many things that I "should" be doing.</div>
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I just need a minute to regroup. </div>
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I'm changing so rapidly that I can't even keep up. It's not a bad thing, it's absolutely wonderful.</div>
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For now, I will have another cup of tea, read another book, write another poem and live the life I imagined.</div>
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I can finally say that I am okay...</div>
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<br /></div>Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-62608697190433047282012-07-25T22:51:00.000-04:002012-07-25T22:53:11.195-04:00Yup, my life is complicated...I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.<br />
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Blue October will be in NYC in... October and I can't decide if I want to go watch them perform or rather go to Comic con.<br />
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I could possibly just go to both events or pretend that I never knew about it and buy shoes.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihWgkraTZyN0nvLERG5404vVi7YNFD9JN3xJpHJvP6aAEXIGo6RsCH7lul2y4OVt9Pu8813UlLX_kPjCsdHRuAMvQE4upmcp5ecCmS0nZ57Q7adWuJFpEDch1tTH7muvdMuG5qeAW77i5G/s1600/Christian+Louboutin+Maggie+Side+120mm+Black+Pumps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihWgkraTZyN0nvLERG5404vVi7YNFD9JN3xJpHJvP6aAEXIGo6RsCH7lul2y4OVt9Pu8813UlLX_kPjCsdHRuAMvQE4upmcp5ecCmS0nZ57Q7adWuJFpEDch1tTH7muvdMuG5qeAW77i5G/s320/Christian+Louboutin+Maggie+Side+120mm+Black+Pumps.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Comic con, Blue October or these Louboutins?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Such a tough decision...<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-34155030532015868732012-07-09T23:02:00.000-04:002012-07-09T23:02:08.462-04:00Oh, so that's why... Now I understand...I read an article a few days ago, which apparently explains my current situation.<br />
<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html?comm_ref=false&src=sp" style="background-color: white;">Why you're not married</a><span style="background-color: white;"> Go read it... It explains EVERYTHING... [insert sarcasm here]</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Apparently I am angry, shallow, a liar, selfish and not good enough. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">If a guy treats me badly or is rude I'm suppose to wiggle my butt, bat my eyelashes and keep my mouth shut? Seriously... Also I don't think that a man with character won't be so insecure to not be able to deal with a few bitchy <strike>rants</strike> words. (Just my logic, you either have character and a backbone or... I'm going to walk all over you)</span><br />
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Now the shallow part. It's okay for men to want Kim Kardashian because she's nice?! Yes, I'm sure of it that her niceness is what makes her so popular, that must be it for sure.<br />
The lying part is probably denial... Who knows.<br />
<br />
I am selfish, why not? I am going to live my life, that's what it's there for.<br />
I also feel that the term "selfish" is used instead of ambitious. Now also, if I'm body conscious it makes me selfish. If I need to be like Kim, in order to find a man who will want to marry me, I am going to think about how big my butt looks and how I do need to work out...<br />
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Last but not least. Not being good enough. Really? I honestly think that everyone has insecurities, but blatantly saying that I think I'm not good enough is just ridiculous...<br />
Bitch please, I'm fabulous.<br />
<br />
This whole article had me in a fit of giggles to be honest, until I read through the comments. Many people agree, men and women.<br />
Now I have one question, is this valid advice? My conclusion is that if I want to be married, I should have low standards, not focus on a career, make sure I'm nice like Kim and then I will meet someone.<br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Okay, great, just one problem. the poor guy will one day wake up and realize that he married a lie, (so much for not being a liar) someone who has no personality (shame poor little guy cannot be made more insecure) and absolutely very little ambition, hopes, goals and dreams (sounds clingy to me)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Oh, plus Mrs. McMillan has been married three times. It seems as if her advice doesn't work so well in the long run. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Here's what I think. I am not going to depend on someone just because he will feel insecure if I don't. If I am going to get married, it would be to someone according to not only character, but physical attraction as well (it's called survival of the fittest and I am going to make sure that my theoretical offspring get the best genes possible)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Oh and that thing called love, I guess it's important to like someone enough to be able to share a life with them and not consider/act on the urge to murder him in his sleep.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">Oh my... I think I will just have to go burn some bra's, demand equality, think like a lady, act like a man and work like a boss.</span><br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-83662301828625119792012-07-06T23:08:00.004-04:002012-07-06T23:08:46.434-04:00it's July... Already?!I think July is going to be good to me... I mean; I know July is going to be good to me.<div>
I just love the summer in the city, the heatwave reminds me of the places that I've been and makes me think of the places I want and still need to see.</div>
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Yes, I am suffering from wanderlust and I'm pretty much gloating discreetly (as soon as I succeed in wiping this smirk of my face)</div>
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Indeed July is going to be awesome. </div>
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<br /></div>Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-25523175585708469172012-06-26T20:33:00.002-04:002012-06-26T20:34:09.594-04:00More good vibes...More love, more kindness, more happiness, more work, more time, more sleep, more tea, more books, more sunshine, more ice cream, more laughs, more flowers, more jokes, more giggles, more hugs, more kisses, more joy, more drawings, more photos, more sunrises, more late night silly conversations, more colors, more music...<br />
<br />
I definitely want it all...<br />
Wonder if 24 hours in a day would be enough to get all if this "moreness"?<br />
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It must all sound pretty naive, but I actually don't care, I'm all sunshine and daisies right now. Ignorance is incredibly bliss.<br />
<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-62713236271314021202012-06-23T11:29:00.000-04:002012-06-23T11:30:42.663-04:00Music and color<br />
<blockquote id="yui_3_2_0_1_1340410120514625" style="color: #454545; font-size: 12px; margin: 1em;" type="cite">
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">If I wrote you a song, it would contain a rainbow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">A rainbow you created, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Octaves and chords, the colors it could show, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Bridges and pauses of fleeting beauty reflected</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Memories, melody and moments all entwined </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Capturing us in a song,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">A fleeting moment, a glance, a gesture; the chords of a life for which we long</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">A moment in time becomes our lullaby, our song.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">If only I could write our lullaby, but the notes all seem wrong</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">The soothing tones all seem to be gone</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Black and white like these keys, </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Stark and severe, nothing is ever as it seems.</span></div>
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</blockquote>
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-83897863553991687862012-06-20T16:10:00.001-04:002012-06-20T16:10:38.880-04:00They just multiplied... Like rabbits...Silly rabbitsMy shoes multiplied... I seriously didn't know that I brought so many shoes to the USA.<br />
My biggest bag isn't big enough to contain such beauty and wonder! I only bought two pairs since I've been here, which I personally think is a HUGE achievement.<br />
<br />
Since I apparently also have more handbags and clothes than I assumed, I need a few strong guys to help me move. Any volunteers? I will uh, reward you...<br />
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So much for being a strong independent woman...Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-84600737806059576712012-06-17T22:39:00.000-04:002012-06-17T23:03:02.269-04:00Do you have chloroform??I need to stop being so paranoid, not everyone carries a bottle of chloroform with them...Right?<br />
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So I've been apartment hunting... Nasty business in this city. I hate it.</div>
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I was suppose to look at a place today, but then my paranoia kicked in and I completely chickened out. I kept on thinking what an easy target I am.</div>
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I step into the building, one person distracts me with candy and another sneaks up behind me with a cloth soaked in chloroform and after a few hours I wake up in a bath tub of ice and some missing organs. (It's usually a kidney, but you never know when they would take half of my liver) </div>
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Ugh, I don't know if I should blame it on all the weird movies I've been watching, the fact that I'm South African or that I just don't trust people in general... (Post for another day)</div>
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Maybe I should have a set of questions that should be answered.</div>
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1. Can you name one use for chloroform?</div>
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2. Do you know how to sell organs on the black market?</div>
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3. Will you be offended if I bring a black light along to look for body fluids?</div>
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4. Do you have any fetishes that are frowned upon?</div>
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5. Do you know anything about security surveillance, hidden cameras and bugging?</div>
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I'm stopping there, this is freaking me out more...</div>
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<br /></div>Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-50779133976952777762012-06-16T00:29:00.001-04:002012-06-16T00:29:19.730-04:00Perspective...The day will come when all of this makes sense...<br />
I guess that life has many twists and turns and sometimes fighting to survive is just a way to prove that we're alive.<br />
<br />
Yes, I am alive and healthy, so why am I sad? I've seen so many cancer patients in the past week fighting to survive and here I am, alive and ungrateful.<br />
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I'm not starving. Why am I upset? I actually eat too much and it's not always healthy and so many others have nothing and the little that they do have, needs to be shared with many in order to survive.<br />
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I can read. Why am I being miserable? I have the opportunity to learn and escape in a world of literature, where others can't even write their own names.<br />
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I have a wardrobe filled with useless clothing. Why do I think I have nothing to wear?<br />
Someone else would give anything to just have another shirt or maybe a pair of shoes.<br />
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I think I'm alone. What rubbish. My support system is just a message or a phone call away... I'm not alone, I haven't lost my parents and siblings, we're a complete family. How many people can say that in a war and disease riddled country?<br />
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I'm complaining about the dark that I think I'm in... I just forgot to look at the stars...<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-57529608110989329102012-06-14T00:49:00.000-04:002012-06-14T00:49:02.883-04:00The moment before dawn...There are no words,<br />
<br />
Words cannot seem to express how I feel at the moment.<br />
Moments of elation and twisted darkness are wrapped into one.<br />
Confusion, clarity, wonder, love, anger... Spun into a fragile web of delusion.<br />
<br />
Light and dark.<br />
The moment before dawn.<br />
<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-60215471714325833712012-06-12T18:49:00.003-04:002012-06-12T18:49:41.646-04:00No real words, just another world. I live in...<br />
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A fairytale...<br />
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Too far away...<br />
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For anyone to find...Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-50400137646261495892012-06-10T23:27:00.000-04:002012-06-10T23:29:00.656-04:0010 days...I have 10 days left before it's time for a mass explosion of excuses for my current behavior of weirdness, experimentation and chaos in general.<br />
<br />
10 damn days until I am <strike>25 </strike> old enough to know better.<br />
So what will I be doing that day? Good question, unless it's getting seriously happy about the fact that I have succeeded in living this long, hiding and disappearing off the grid sounds like a good idea as well. Not that it will be likely, I can only imagine that the chaos will only continue to become more chaotic.<br />
<br />
After a huge internal monologue, assessing options and just being me in general, I have realized what I want in life. I'm also too scared to go out and get it.<br />
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I have also come to the conclusion that I am a bigger coward than what I at first thought. It's horrible how self criticism makes you realize this.<br />
So now is my time to shine, to be daring, to make (even more) mistakes and to probably get rid of that wall that I built around my heart. Enough is enough.<br />
<br />
I have lived in the shadows for long enough and I have been provoked for long enough as well. Funny how someone would want you out of their lives but turn back and try to hurt/provoke/amuse you. Thank you for the amusement factor, I enjoy it, but once again, enough is enough. (you didn't succeed in the other two, you just annoyed me and made for a good giggle)<br />
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10 days is what I have left... 10 days of being stupid, young and irresponsible. Or rather 10 days to catch up on all the times that I have not been young stupid and irresponsible.<br />
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The next 10 days are going to feel like seconds anyway at this rate, so Cutting Jade's 10 seconds is very appropriate...Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-90733900943971656392012-06-10T00:13:00.000-04:002012-06-10T02:23:06.299-04:00Yes, I do have ADD, what gave it away???Some days I think it's good to ramble on about meaningless things, or turning things that are meaningful into a bit of a joke...<br />
Like my life at the moment. Incredibly meaningful, trying and fulfilling, but also one big damn joke, cliche, contradiction. Call it whatever you like.<br />
<br />
The past two weeks, I have attempted to isolate myself. This in itself is one huge joke as I still don't shut up and talk to anything that moves on a daily basis.<br />
What I have done though is watch a whole bunch of movies, read books until the morning hours and eat my whole supply of emergency-the zombies are here- candy.<br />
At this rate I won't even get to see/kill/join the zombies as I probably have diabetes type II. *opens third box of milk duds*<br />
<br />
I lost track of what I wanted to write. It was incredibly important and mind boggling.<br />
Had something to do with time not existing, yet still being able to believe in the future.<br />
Whatever, it was...<br />
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Is probably not that useful, so what I will say is: Everything is relative. ( Einstein moment?)<br />
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<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1228087142410633419.post-17228594207495244342012-06-06T21:07:00.000-04:002012-06-06T21:07:41.119-04:00Oh me oh my...I am such an idiot.<br />
Yesterday I decided that I should get rid of my comfort zone...Again.<br />
My big, bright, clever idea just screwed me over. *shaking my fist at the universe while uttering profanities*<br />
<br />
Last time I said this (last year April) I was so busy, so stressed and all over the place and... actually had the time of my life. After looking back at all of this, I decided to get rid of my comfort zone again. I've created a pretty nice, safe little routine for myself and as much as what I liked it, I miss discovering new things.<br />
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Well the universe heard this yesterday and decided to rip my comfort away in a good 15 minutes... I just got thrown into the deep end of the freaking shark pool... Nice...<br />
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Here's to life, here's to stress and here's to being freaked out and traumatized for the next few months.<br />
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Oh by the way universe, one good thing should happen now, I'm slightly tired of the challenges...<br />
<br />Meandrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02082379320666811602noreply@blogger.com2