Oh, so that's why... Now I understand...

I read an article a few days ago, which apparently explains my current situation.
Why you're not married Go read it... It explains EVERYTHING... [insert sarcasm here]


Apparently I am angry, shallow, a liar, selfish and not good enough. 


If a guy treats me badly or is rude I'm suppose to wiggle my butt, bat my eyelashes and keep my mouth shut? Seriously... Also I don't think that a man with character won't be so insecure to not be able to deal with a few bitchy rants words. (Just my logic, you either have character and a backbone or... I'm going to walk all over you)

Now the shallow part. It's okay for men to want Kim Kardashian because she's nice?! Yes, I'm sure of it that her niceness is what makes her so popular, that must be it for sure.
The lying part is probably denial... Who knows.

I am selfish, why not? I am going to live my life, that's what it's there for.
I also feel that the term "selfish" is used instead of ambitious. Now also, if I'm body conscious it makes me selfish. If I need to be like Kim, in order to find a man who will want to marry me, I am going to think about how big my butt looks and how I do need to work out...

Last but not least. Not being good enough. Really? I honestly think that everyone has insecurities, but blatantly saying that I think I'm not good enough is just ridiculous...
Bitch please, I'm fabulous.

This whole article had me in a fit of giggles to be honest, until I read through the comments. Many people agree, men and women.
Now I have one question, is this valid advice? My conclusion is that if I want to be married, I should have low standards, not focus on a career, make sure I'm nice like Kim and then I will meet someone.
Okay, great, just one problem. the poor guy will one day wake up and realize that he married a lie, (so much for not being a liar) someone who has no personality (shame poor little guy cannot be made more insecure) and absolutely very little ambition, hopes, goals and dreams (sounds clingy to me)


Oh, plus Mrs. McMillan has been married three times. It seems as if her advice doesn't work so well in the long run. 


Here's what I think. I am not going to depend on someone just because he will feel insecure if I don't. If I am going to get married, it would be to someone according to not only character, but physical attraction as well (it's called survival of the fittest and I am going to make sure that my theoretical offspring get the best genes possible)
Oh and that thing called love, I guess it's important to like someone enough to be able to share a life with them and not consider/act on the urge to murder him in his sleep.


Oh my... I think I will just have to go burn some bra's, demand equality,  think like a lady, act like a man and work like a boss.

Music and color

If I wrote you a song, it would contain a rainbow.

A rainbow you created, 

Octaves and chords, the colors it could show, 

Bridges and pauses of  fleeting beauty reflected

Memories, melody and moments all entwined 

Capturing us in a song,

A fleeting moment, a glance, a gesture; the chords of  a life for which we long

A moment in time becomes our lullaby, our song.

If only I could write our lullaby, but the notes all seem wrong

The soothing tones all seem to be gone

Black and white like these keys, 

Stark and severe, nothing is ever as it seems.

They just multiplied... Like rabbits...Silly rabbits

My shoes multiplied... I seriously didn't know that I brought so many shoes to the USA.
My biggest bag isn't big enough to contain such beauty and wonder! I only bought two pairs since I've been here, which I personally think is a HUGE achievement.

Since I apparently also have more  handbags and clothes than I assumed, I need a few strong guys to help me move. Any volunteers? I will uh, reward you...

So much for being a strong independent woman...

Do you have chloroform??

I need to stop being so paranoid, not everyone carries a bottle of chloroform with them...Right?

So I've been apartment hunting... Nasty business in this city. I hate it.

I was suppose to look at a place today, but then my paranoia kicked in and I completely chickened out. I kept on thinking what an easy target I am.

I step into the building, one person distracts me with candy and another sneaks up behind me with a cloth soaked in chloroform and after a few hours I wake up in a bath tub of ice and some missing organs. (It's usually a kidney, but you never know when they would take half of my liver) 

Ugh, I don't know if I should blame it on all the weird movies I've been watching, the fact that I'm South African or that I just don't trust people in general... (Post for another day)

Maybe I should have a set of questions that should be answered.

1. Can you name one use for chloroform?

2. Do you know how to sell organs on the black market?

3. Will you be offended if I bring a black light along to look for body fluids?

4. Do you have any fetishes that are frowned upon?

5. Do you know anything about security surveillance, hidden cameras and bugging?

I'm stopping there, this is freaking me out more...

10 days...

I have 10 days left before it's  time for a mass explosion of excuses for my current behavior of weirdness, experimentation and chaos in general.

10 damn days until I am 25  old enough to know better.
So what will I be doing that day? Good question, unless it's getting seriously happy about the fact that I have succeeded in living this long, hiding and disappearing off the grid sounds like a good idea as well. Not that it will be likely, I can only imagine that the chaos will only continue to become more chaotic.

After a huge internal monologue, assessing options and just being me in general, I have realized what I want in life. I'm also too scared to go out and get it.

I have also come to the conclusion that I am a bigger coward than what I at first thought. It's horrible how self criticism makes you realize this.
So now is my time to shine, to be daring, to make (even more) mistakes and to probably get rid of that wall that I built around my heart. Enough is enough.

I have lived in the shadows for long enough and I have been provoked for long enough as well. Funny how someone would want you out of their lives but turn back and try to hurt/provoke/amuse you. Thank you for the amusement factor, I enjoy it, but once again, enough is enough. (you didn't succeed in the other two, you just annoyed me and made for a good giggle)

10 days is what I have left... 10 days of being stupid, young and irresponsible. Or  rather 10 days to catch up on all the times that I have not been young stupid and irresponsible.

The next 10 days are going to feel like seconds anyway at this rate, so Cutting Jade's 10 seconds is very appropriate...

Yes, I do have ADD, what gave it away???

Some days I think it's good to ramble on about meaningless things, or turning things that are meaningful into a bit of a joke...
Like my life at the moment. Incredibly meaningful, trying and fulfilling, but also one big damn joke, cliche, contradiction. Call it whatever you like.

The past two weeks, I have attempted to isolate myself. This in itself is one huge joke as I still don't shut up and talk to anything that moves on a daily basis.
What I have done though is watch a whole bunch of movies, read books until the morning hours and eat my whole supply of emergency-the zombies are here- candy.
At this rate I won't even get to see/kill/join the zombies as I probably have diabetes type II. *opens third box of milk duds*

I lost track of what I wanted to write. It was incredibly important and mind boggling.
Had something to do with time not existing, yet still being able to believe in the future.
Whatever, it was...

Is probably not that useful, so what I will say is: Everything is relative. ( Einstein moment?)

Oh me oh my...

I am such an idiot.
Yesterday I decided that I should get rid of my comfort zone...Again.
My big, bright, clever idea just screwed me over. *shaking my fist at the universe while uttering profanities*

Last time I said this (last year April) I was so busy, so stressed and all over the place and... actually had the time of my life. After looking back at all of this, I decided to get rid of my comfort zone again. I've created a pretty nice, safe little routine for myself and as much as what I liked it, I miss discovering new things.

Well the universe heard this yesterday and decided to rip my comfort away in a good 15 minutes... I just got thrown into the deep end of the freaking shark pool... Nice...

Here's to life, here's to stress and here's to being freaked out and traumatized for the next few months.

Oh by the way universe, one good thing should happen now, I'm slightly tired of the challenges...

Like crystal

Fragile like crystal. 

Hidden in the dark, unseen, forgotten, unnoticed

Left to become dull.

Unappreciated

Delicate like crystal, 

Looked at, but not held, 

Thought of, but never displayed

Left to gather dust

Frangible unlike crystal, 

Strength in fineness

Wishing for the light to be cast, 

Hoping to sparkle, cast beauty and enchant.

Random photon, angry photon, lost photon...

I have too much on my mind... As soon as my thoughts are structured, I will write something worthy of reading. 

But for now, I will be random.

No one should ever make you feel as if you're second best.

Believe in second chances, but not more than that... Second chances are sometimes like offering someone another bullet for their gun, because they missed you the first time.

When you see through someone's lies. Walk away.

Sometimes an outsider has a better perspective of the situation you're in. Take the time to listen to them.

Nothing hurts more than someone shattering your ego.

Sound a bit angry?

 Oops, I'm sorry, I have recently realized that I'm not my usual self  because I have allowed people to walk all over me and to make me feel horrible. I don't deserve it. Just because I am kind and caring, doesn't mean that I should be mistreated. I am sick of it and no more rubbish  bull shit will be tolerated. Every time someone's mean to me, I end up building another wall around my emotions that separate me from others even more.

 At this rate I will be a complete outsider incapable of showing any affection towards anyone.

I am not an object just because I am pretty. 

Just because I'm good at hiding my impatience most of the time, doesn't mean that I will wait around for everyone to get their act together. 

Speaking of getting acts together. How is it that people seem to be confused in life and don't know what they want or what they want to do? 

And when they do know what they want, why don't they pursue it? 

Conclusion of all this useless rambling:  I am living my life and I will not let anyone take my sunshine away, I should be able to hand out photons like candy.

Don't ask...

Halfway with exams and one month from celebrating my quarter life crisis!!!
Here's to my last few subjects and the worst ones being over thankfully...
Happy days summer days ahead!

Okay... Back to studying..

The exam insanity is starting...

I had to phone my invigilator today to find out if my exam papers have arrived at the South African consulate. It was a nerve wrecking experience. She took forever to find out if one of the papers arrived. I didn't pay tuition and sacrifice my time just to hear that it's not there. I was getting my little rant ready, but she found it... Be still beating heart.

Now that I know I am writing six papers, I can start freaking out nicely.

So what I plan to do is; Firstly get a lot of caffeine in my system, the more the better, so I can stay awake when I have to read about all the Greek philosophers. 

Secondly I'm going to eat a whole bunch of candy. I will not only pass my exams, but pass with diabetes type II.

Thirdly, I will have to find someone who likes heated debates, as one of my subjects is the art of argumentation.(As a woman I thought that I excel at this, but it's always good to improve one's skills)

Last but not least, I am probably not going to sleep much, so godspeed to everyone around me!

Almost half a year, 6 weeks away from a quarter life crisis, donations are appreciated and I'm not setting foot out of this city

I've stayed in the same place for almost half a year. I'm settling down and it's a very confusing feeling. I use to think that traveling constantly would be the death of me and now I'm restless, because I can't remember what it feels like to not have to worry about where I'm going to live, how much I'm going to work and how I'm going to take all my shoes with me.

I'm restless because I can feel the winds of change. My life has become so different to what it was before I moved back to the city, I'm almost obsessing about it, I can't get over it. Life has become so much better it's bordering on surreal. I mentioned about a year ago that I am going to give up my comfort zone. Now that I'm slowly but surely getting into a comfort zone again, it seems to freak me out more than not having one. It just shows how easily we can adapt to situations when we want to.

I don't know if the feeling of restlessness and the need of change has got to do with a quarter life crisis which is about 6 weeks away... Ugh!
I don't know which scares me more, final exams, my birthday or the fact that I'm not going anywhere soon.

 It's that silly travel bug that bit me last year. I think I should save up for a trip to Asia and just explore as many countries there as possible (donations would be appreciated for my quarter life crisis fund)

Wait, I don't want to leave at all, what am I even thinking? NYC is my city...
If I want change, I can just go buy a pair of shoes.

PS. I'm serious about the shoes...

Sunshine...

Within a week, my life has changed. So much so that I cannot even start to explain...

All that I do know is that everything happens for a reason, after tears there is joy and life is an amazing thing.
Some days I still want to cry, but not today. Today has been wonderful. I'm finally learning how to accept changes and how to live one day at a time.
This is probably the biggest lesson that life has taught me so far.

I am not the same person that I was a week ago and I'm okay with that. Life is unpredictable and people change constantly and change is probably one of the most painful things to go through, but it's also one of the best things to survive.

One step at a time, one sunrise at a time and a whole field of possibilities.

So bring on the sunshine, today is a new day!

I welcome my self back to my blog...and here's to 2012.

Sounds like bad stage directions, but there it is... I'm back...

My holiday in SA was awesome and now it's time to hit the books, the runways and studios to earn my keep...

New York decided to not welcome me back in the friendliest manner, the weather is miserable (or it could just be that I've set the SA standard and I'm now hoping that every day is a sunny one)

So the weather didn't give me a warm welcome, but the year is still young (and not the last one I hope)

Here's to a fabulous 2012!

My second last weekend in Hong Kong...

I am out of here in three weeks! 

Yes, I cannot seem to count according to the title, yes it's still correct.

Next weekend I will be going to Manila to do a fashion show for the Red Cross fundraiser...

The typhoons have once again left so many without homes that some action has been taken to raise funds to help those in need...

I'm so excited that the countdown will probably start including hours and minutes, since I am in desperate need of some real sunshine and a good night's sleep. My body seems to be taking the countdown very seriously and I am slowly but surely swapping my days and nights... The first step to suffering from insomnia... Sigh, just three more weeks of suffering with the sleeping problems... 

I don't think that I have ever been this excited to write exams... 

I say hey, what's going on?

I have less than six weeks to go before I get to go home! I'm so excited!
I've also noticed a trend, when I'm in Hong Kong, I neglect my blog...
The city is way too distracting, I think...

So if you're wondering what I've been up to... Here is a quick update.
I did presentations for Chanel, D&G and a show for YSL and I've been going to castings...

I've gotten blisters the size of 10c coins on my heels from shoes and I've once again ruined my head phones. No matter the price, they always end up breaking so I'm considering going el-cheepo, since I replace the expensive ones just as often.
I'm still looking for the bugs that stole my shoes and I've rediscovered my sweet tooth.

I've witnessed the mid-autumn festival, gone to Macau for the day by ferry, which made me once again realize that the ferries are not my favourite mode of transport, since I still go green... I've watched movies and I've been reading a book a day and I've gone through my summaries for my exams which is about 7 weeks away.

I fell in love with Lomography and will be purchasing cameras and film before I leave, since the old school is fashionable.

I've been singing along to David Bowie, and I've gotten the sales ladies in the clothing stores to unpack their stock on Thursday night, because that's how you do shopping around here.

I've also had my 'experiment' where I keep on posting a photo or image instead of just a normal status on FB. It ended up being one big wall of motivation... Now, that might seem kinda cheesy, (Wait it IS cheesy) but it works, I'm happier and well, no one likes someone who constantly sulks.

I haven't taken as much photos as what I would like to, not that I'm any good, but practice does help to develop some skills, so as soon as I get more time, I will give myself a theme for the week and just keep on taking photos. Hopefully I can then get rid of my pent up artistic frustration and get some what pretty photos.

It's Friday!!

The weekend is finally upon us...

And here is a song to celebrate the weekend...

Just a note, this song makes Justin Bieber sound manly... 

Love me, love me, love me...

I've been wondering about this?
Is your love classified as undying if you announce it over Facebook?

Well if that's the case, J and I are royally screwed.
I rarely even bother to write on his wall or to dedicate a status to him, since he's not a FB addict like me...
It's not because I don't love him, I just hate it when people write crap like: "I love you so much your the light in my life blah, bah, blah..." 
And I'm sure of it that I'm not the only one who dislikes this. (Don't you wish Facebook had that dislike button then)

The best part is that the person who it's dedicated to changes more than what I change outfits during fashion week. The one becomes many...everyone... and then it's just all weird. Love seems to be fickle...

 If you've been in a relationship for a while, or it's going to last longer than a week, it's okay to get soppy sometimes. (Just don't gross me out)

Personally I think that it's such a trivial thing to do, that it seems like a waste of some good Facebook stalking time... Wait, what?

PS. If you love someone, be old school and send them a card or flowers.
You will be appreciated so much more.
We'll see the uploaded images on Facebook anyway.

There's no set route to any destination from now on...

The area where I live has got quite a few model apartments and some of the men in the area have figured it out.

It's really creepy when someone tells you this : "Excuse me, I'm not bothering you and I don't mean offense, but I saw you on the train three stops ago and I followed you. Can I get your number? Oh, and how tall are you, you look like a model?"

Following me is definitely the best way to get a strategically placed kick  way to my heart.
I don't really know how this was suppose to knock me off my feet, unless he had chloroform on him.
(We all know that dodgy stalkers have ample supply of chloroform on them when they follow tall girls)

I was really rude to the guy and now I want to make up for it.

This song is for you, mister creepy stalker dude, I hope you like this and that possible restraining order!

A comatose weekend...

I was comatose for most of the weekend...
Who knew that listening to an audio book is the cure to Insomnia?

It was the best free weekend ever, except for the fact that I didn't eat any candy, ice cream or chocolate or have a movie marathon or finish The Count of Monte Cristo. (It drags and I keep on thinking how much cooler the movie is and I always prefer the book to the movie)

I didn't do anything productive actually... Perfect lazy weekend...
Unfortunately it's goodbye to the weekend and a full day of work tomorrow.

Seems that I cannot update my blog while listening to an audio book, what an ADHD post...
Oh, look sparkles!