Random photon, angry photon, lost photon...

I have too much on my mind... As soon as my thoughts are structured, I will write something worthy of reading. 

But for now, I will be random.

No one should ever make you feel as if you're second best.

Believe in second chances, but not more than that... Second chances are sometimes like offering someone another bullet for their gun, because they missed you the first time.

When you see through someone's lies. Walk away.

Sometimes an outsider has a better perspective of the situation you're in. Take the time to listen to them.

Nothing hurts more than someone shattering your ego.

Sound a bit angry?

 Oops, I'm sorry, I have recently realized that I'm not my usual self  because I have allowed people to walk all over me and to make me feel horrible. I don't deserve it. Just because I am kind and caring, doesn't mean that I should be mistreated. I am sick of it and no more rubbish  bull shit will be tolerated. Every time someone's mean to me, I end up building another wall around my emotions that separate me from others even more.

 At this rate I will be a complete outsider incapable of showing any affection towards anyone.

I am not an object just because I am pretty. 

Just because I'm good at hiding my impatience most of the time, doesn't mean that I will wait around for everyone to get their act together. 

Speaking of getting acts together. How is it that people seem to be confused in life and don't know what they want or what they want to do? 

And when they do know what they want, why don't they pursue it? 

Conclusion of all this useless rambling:  I am living my life and I will not let anyone take my sunshine away, I should be able to hand out photons like candy.

Don't ask...

Halfway with exams and one month from celebrating my quarter life crisis!!!
Here's to my last few subjects and the worst ones being over thankfully...
Happy days summer days ahead!

Okay... Back to studying..

I think I'm dying...

Are there any weird outbreaks of some dangerous disease occurring in NYC that I don't know about? If it's not known yet, I swear that I'm the first to have it. I cannot remember feeling this horrible and disgusting in forever...

I'm so damn sick and I have exams to write... Maybe I should go to the closest hospital and ask them to put me in quarantine, just in case I have a new version of some super bug that could possibly kill the entire city's population. I am a walking health hazard (not that I'm really leaving my bed at the moment)

It could also be the beginning of phase I of the zombie apocalypse, because I can feel my mental capabilities diminishing as we speak. (It could also be the medication cocktail that I administered to myself, no better cocktail than a bunch of flu meds)

Any brave souls out there who would bring me ice cream, soup and chocolate?
I will provide a hazard suit and explain exactly how to decontaminate everything... Promise...

I found this on my FB profile and I'm seriously confused as to why it's not on here...

I am in this world, but not part of it, in other words, I live in this world, but I do not always partake in it’s needless activities,

I live for today, I dream for tomorrow, but I do not glance back over my shoulder to what I have left behind.

I revel in a new day, every day, today.

The deeds of yesterday might have brought me where I am today, but it does not hold me back

I sing the songs of hope in my heart. I let my heart guide me, but not without clarity of mind

I consider my actions and try to speak kind words, gentle words, have a bigger impact than shouting.

I try to shine every day, even a small flame can give light in the darkness

I would like to be a star in someone’s heaven, not famous, but a guiding light. A loving little light to give hope to those in need.

Love and humilty is something  I need more of. Love to give to all and humility to accept others for who they are, no matter what my previous achivements are that for some reason could elevate me above anyone else.

I create my life with every choice that I make. Some days it seems that there are no right or wrong choices, only options to do the best that I can do under circumstances.

I refuse to give up, giving up hope is the worst thing to do when things get tough, 

Tough times shape people, I don’t like the hard life either, but it surely does make me appreciate the person I have become.  I feel more content knowing that I survived a tough day, instead of knowing I can live an easy life.  Tough times come and go, but character lasts forever, same thing with beauty.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as shallow as that may sound, it might not be so, since outer beauty should not be considered as a measure of how wonderful a person can be.

Courage comes in many forms, so does intelligence, calling anyone a coward or stupid, does not make you sound better, it does the complete opposite. 

Wisdom and age do not go hand in hand. a young person can also have the ability to change the world.

Be childlike, a child has faith and hope and is so sure of  the world, uncluttered minds have the biggest chances of making an impact.

Time is precious, do not waste it on finding yourself, develop yourself,.

Everyone has the potential to reach their dreams, but might lack the drive to do so.

Be curious, curiousity is the spice of life.

Dream and dream big, but do not let it overtake reality.

The world is my playground, but I make the rules.

Living within those rules, could either be a challenge or a breeze, it’s all about perspecitve.

Accepting others could also be a challenge, but it should not stand in the way of friendship.

You’re never to old to make new friends or see new places.

The exam insanity is starting...

I had to phone my invigilator today to find out if my exam papers have arrived at the South African consulate. It was a nerve wrecking experience. She took forever to find out if one of the papers arrived. I didn't pay tuition and sacrifice my time just to hear that it's not there. I was getting my little rant ready, but she found it... Be still beating heart.

Now that I know I am writing six papers, I can start freaking out nicely.

So what I plan to do is; Firstly get a lot of caffeine in my system, the more the better, so I can stay awake when I have to read about all the Greek philosophers. 

Secondly I'm going to eat a whole bunch of candy. I will not only pass my exams, but pass with diabetes type II.

Thirdly, I will have to find someone who likes heated debates, as one of my subjects is the art of argumentation.(As a woman I thought that I excel at this, but it's always good to improve one's skills)

Last but not least, I am probably not going to sleep much, so godspeed to everyone around me!

Almost half a year, 6 weeks away from a quarter life crisis, donations are appreciated and I'm not setting foot out of this city

I've stayed in the same place for almost half a year. I'm settling down and it's a very confusing feeling. I use to think that traveling constantly would be the death of me and now I'm restless, because I can't remember what it feels like to not have to worry about where I'm going to live, how much I'm going to work and how I'm going to take all my shoes with me.

I'm restless because I can feel the winds of change. My life has become so different to what it was before I moved back to the city, I'm almost obsessing about it, I can't get over it. Life has become so much better it's bordering on surreal. I mentioned about a year ago that I am going to give up my comfort zone. Now that I'm slowly but surely getting into a comfort zone again, it seems to freak me out more than not having one. It just shows how easily we can adapt to situations when we want to.

I don't know if the feeling of restlessness and the need of change has got to do with a quarter life crisis which is about 6 weeks away... Ugh!
I don't know which scares me more, final exams, my birthday or the fact that I'm not going anywhere soon.

 It's that silly travel bug that bit me last year. I think I should save up for a trip to Asia and just explore as many countries there as possible (donations would be appreciated for my quarter life crisis fund)

Wait, I don't want to leave at all, what am I even thinking? NYC is my city...
If I want change, I can just go buy a pair of shoes.

PS. I'm serious about the shoes...

Busy, busy, busy...

Whoa, I'm so busy all of a sudden, sorry everyone who was expecting more posts from me, I'm currently very busy living...

I'm living the dream and I'm loving it. I'm on the runway again which is fantastic, I'm smiling when I walk in the streets and I'm listening to music again.

I finally have a heart again, I finally have a purpose that I could choose and I'm finally free.

Wish me good luck, my exams are around the corner...