I did go work out, but it became incredibly strange... Oh well...

Hallelujah, I can use my laptop again, it probably heard me when I threatened to replace it with something new and shiny...

I decided to go work out after a whole whopping two months of being lazy sick, working my butt off and exams. I'm hurting and I can't lift my arms, so I guess I had a good work out.
I think if you spend enough time at the gym, you always end up seeing the same people after  a while. This was the case the last time I worked out. I would see the same guy every day and we would always greet each other by nodding or if it's early in the morning I would just grunt and stumble towards the closest treadmill.
At first I found this camaraderie a bit unnerving. I would start my work out looking relatively decent and then become a huffing, puffing, red faced, frizzy haired, sweaty mess and he would just... have glistening, well toned, buff muslces. It's all pretty distracting.
Somehow I adjusted to the weirdness of it all and found it comforting to see a familiar face at the gym, even if we don't talk, we have some form of a bond (or I would like to think that)

Today he broke the rule. Hew spoke to me. I thought that I was going to die. What happened to the casual nod that acknowledges my presence? He had to announce to everyone that he hasn't seen me around in a while and is glad that I am back. All of this made me so nervous that I couldn't stop giggling and I tripped over an untied shoelace. I don't even think I even uttered a coherent sentence.
 Seriously, if anyone wants to know why I am still single, the above mentioned is exactly why.

I will go work out again tomorrow and if anyone does talk to me, I will hopefully be able to string a few words together.

Yes, exams are over and it emphasizes that I have no life...

Here's to my computer being useless... I can't seem to update my blog from it, so I have to use my iPad with its shitty autocorrect. Ugh. Curse you gods of technology...

I have successfully survived exams and I'm possibly suffering from post exam blues, which suck. What did I do Before the horror that is exams? I am apparently incapable of keeping myself preoccupied. All I could think of is to completely geek out and start reading... I finished a game of thrones and after being haunted by dragons and weird inbred, murderous kings in my dreams I am now looking for a more social pastime...

I might just have to buy a cat, but they plot the murder of their owners constantly...

I have no idea what I'm saying...

Happy holidays everyone we survived black Friday! Remember to take your vows of poverty after buying a whole bunch of needless items just because it was on sale!

Thank you...

Its all a bit crazy right now. I'm trying to find sanity and tranquility and all I can think of is that it's the last thing I will find in this mad, crazy world.

Some days I wish I had a calmer spirit and a heart that wasn't bound to my sleeve.
I might be mistaken, but drowning in raw emotions is obviously not the best way to go about things.
Sometimes I think that being too real and being too transparent is what makes me seek solitude.
In my own little world where no one can judge what I feel, how I express myself and how badly I sing.

I always thought that life was easy and uncomplicated. That is, until I realized how bizarre my little world is to everyone else. I left my little world for the past eight months and I lived behind a brick wall that closed me off from everyone.  I'm slowly but surely moving back, brick by brick.
In my world we're all honest and we say how we feel and we dance when the music is good. We drink tea and live for more books and we cry when we watch sad,soppy romantic movies. We express our love for life and we appreciate people for who they are, not for what they have. I guess my world is a bit naive, but it's a place where it's okay to have flaws, scars and broken hearts. It's better to have learnt those lessons than to be sheltered from feeling anything good or bad. It's a world where the risk of loving is worth more than not having loved at all. Every shattered piece of  a mangled heart might be more vulnerable  than a whole heart that has never felt the ecstasy of love, but it also has more compassion.

I want to make it a goal of  to tell people how much I appreciate them, not everyone gets to feel appreciated often enough. I want to give more hugs (as soon as I get over my dislike of being touched by strangers) I want to see more smiles and I want to feel happiness radiate from every pore in my being.
I want to tell everyone important in my life that I love them, I want to do it on a daily basis.
I want a life  without limits and I want a heart without limits. I want to give all that I can and feel all that I can. I want to be a ray of sunshine and I want to give hope.

Actually... All I want is to give everyone in my life a reason to smile, especially since they have given me the most precious gift they possibly could.  They love me, my scars, bruises, flaws and imperfections.  They have accepted me as I am and held my hand in the times that I could barely function as a person. They have helped me heal and they still wipe away my tears when I'm having a bad day (which is happening less often)

Thank you everyone who has helped me pick up the pieces of a very broken heart. I'm sorry if some of you got cut along with me in the process, I really appreciate it and I love all of you dearly for giving me a reason to smile and to be as whole as I possibly can be.

Blossom

No one remains whole in this mad world. All we can do is give as much love with the shattered pieces as we possibly can.

Life moves too fast to not take some chances.
I will have to remind myself to think of one of my favorite quotes this week.
"And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" - Anais Nin

I guess now would be the time to blossom, I can't remain closed off in my little world forever.

I'm still alive...

I just can't seem to get myself to write anything.
All I can do for now is breathe...

How about I have ADD and leave my heart out of this...

So I saw this quote by Henri Frederic Amiel. (Apparently, we all know you can't trust the internet much)

"If you want to know where your heart is, look at where your mind goes when it wanders" 

Okay, so I thought about it and this is it. 

Am I listening to Mozart or Schubert right now? (Don't judge me)
Will these sleeping pills work?
Wonder if I should go make popcorn.
I should have bought Nutella.
Run.
Oh my, pretty shoes.
I want a monkey thought translator, a monkey named Steve and a secret lab. I have to stop watching Cloudy with a chance of meatballs...
Wonder what my dogs would tell me if I had a dog thought translator
Oh look, texts from my dog.
Wow, Freud doesn't seem like such a nice person.
My throat hurts, wonder what disease is killing me according to Google. 
Skinner wasn't a nice person either... 
People are weird... 

SO what the hell does that say about where my heart goes?
ADD, that's what it says.

It this really real?!

This annoys me...

Okay, now here is why this gets on my nerves.

I am addicted to Pinterest and I have been seeing this image all the time. One comment that got to me was the following "These are all beautiful women, but I'd rather look like a beautiful, curvy vase than a stiff, little popsicle stick"

Really? C'mon people play nice. Not everyone can look like a Dove model and I'm not going to insult them because I cannot look like a model for REAL beauty. 

To be honest, I am annoyed with Dove as well. Where is the diversity? These women all have a similar body shape, there is only one short woman, and why do they all look more or less the same age? This isn't real either, it's a marketing scheme like ALL adverts. They chose women who have the most identifiable body type that are probably in the age category that correlates with the majority of Dove product users.

The models in the VS campaign all have personal trainers and work really hard to maintain their bodies. They might not represent most women, but there are women who can identify with them.  

Beauty comes in ALL shapes and sizes, so love yourself and don't be mean to someone who doesn't fit your idea of real beauty. 

My goodness, the world does really seem like a shallow pool this week.