Thank you...

Its all a bit crazy right now. I'm trying to find sanity and tranquility and all I can think of is that it's the last thing I will find in this mad, crazy world.

Some days I wish I had a calmer spirit and a heart that wasn't bound to my sleeve.
I might be mistaken, but drowning in raw emotions is obviously not the best way to go about things.
Sometimes I think that being too real and being too transparent is what makes me seek solitude.
In my own little world where no one can judge what I feel, how I express myself and how badly I sing.

I always thought that life was easy and uncomplicated. That is, until I realized how bizarre my little world is to everyone else. I left my little world for the past eight months and I lived behind a brick wall that closed me off from everyone.  I'm slowly but surely moving back, brick by brick.
In my world we're all honest and we say how we feel and we dance when the music is good. We drink tea and live for more books and we cry when we watch sad,soppy romantic movies. We express our love for life and we appreciate people for who they are, not for what they have. I guess my world is a bit naive, but it's a place where it's okay to have flaws, scars and broken hearts. It's better to have learnt those lessons than to be sheltered from feeling anything good or bad. It's a world where the risk of loving is worth more than not having loved at all. Every shattered piece of  a mangled heart might be more vulnerable  than a whole heart that has never felt the ecstasy of love, but it also has more compassion.

I want to make it a goal of  to tell people how much I appreciate them, not everyone gets to feel appreciated often enough. I want to give more hugs (as soon as I get over my dislike of being touched by strangers) I want to see more smiles and I want to feel happiness radiate from every pore in my being.
I want to tell everyone important in my life that I love them, I want to do it on a daily basis.
I want a life  without limits and I want a heart without limits. I want to give all that I can and feel all that I can. I want to be a ray of sunshine and I want to give hope.

Actually... All I want is to give everyone in my life a reason to smile, especially since they have given me the most precious gift they possibly could.  They love me, my scars, bruises, flaws and imperfections.  They have accepted me as I am and held my hand in the times that I could barely function as a person. They have helped me heal and they still wipe away my tears when I'm having a bad day (which is happening less often)

Thank you everyone who has helped me pick up the pieces of a very broken heart. I'm sorry if some of you got cut along with me in the process, I really appreciate it and I love all of you dearly for giving me a reason to smile and to be as whole as I possibly can be.

Blossom

No one remains whole in this mad world. All we can do is give as much love with the shattered pieces as we possibly can.

Life moves too fast to not take some chances.
I will have to remind myself to think of one of my favorite quotes this week.
"And the day came when the risk to remain in a tight bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" - Anais Nin

I guess now would be the time to blossom, I can't remain closed off in my little world forever.

I'm still alive...

I just can't seem to get myself to write anything.
All I can do for now is breathe...

How about I have ADD and leave my heart out of this...

So I saw this quote by Henri Frederic Amiel. (Apparently, we all know you can't trust the internet much)

"If you want to know where your heart is, look at where your mind goes when it wanders" 

Okay, so I thought about it and this is it. 

Am I listening to Mozart or Schubert right now? (Don't judge me)
Will these sleeping pills work?
Wonder if I should go make popcorn.
I should have bought Nutella.
Run.
Oh my, pretty shoes.
I want a monkey thought translator, a monkey named Steve and a secret lab. I have to stop watching Cloudy with a chance of meatballs...
Wonder what my dogs would tell me if I had a dog thought translator
Oh look, texts from my dog.
Wow, Freud doesn't seem like such a nice person.
My throat hurts, wonder what disease is killing me according to Google. 
Skinner wasn't a nice person either... 
People are weird... 

SO what the hell does that say about where my heart goes?
ADD, that's what it says.

It this really real?!

This annoys me...

Okay, now here is why this gets on my nerves.

I am addicted to Pinterest and I have been seeing this image all the time. One comment that got to me was the following "These are all beautiful women, but I'd rather look like a beautiful, curvy vase than a stiff, little popsicle stick"

Really? C'mon people play nice. Not everyone can look like a Dove model and I'm not going to insult them because I cannot look like a model for REAL beauty. 

To be honest, I am annoyed with Dove as well. Where is the diversity? These women all have a similar body shape, there is only one short woman, and why do they all look more or less the same age? This isn't real either, it's a marketing scheme like ALL adverts. They chose women who have the most identifiable body type that are probably in the age category that correlates with the majority of Dove product users.

The models in the VS campaign all have personal trainers and work really hard to maintain their bodies. They might not represent most women, but there are women who can identify with them.  

Beauty comes in ALL shapes and sizes, so love yourself and don't be mean to someone who doesn't fit your idea of real beauty. 

My goodness, the world does really seem like a shallow pool this week. 

Finally...

It's weekend.

I have so many things that I "should" be doing.

I just need a minute to regroup. 

I'm changing so rapidly that I can't even keep up. It's not a bad thing, it's absolutely wonderful.

For now, I will have another cup of tea, read another book, write another poem and live the life I imagined.

I can finally say that I am okay...

Yup, my life is complicated...

I'm so confused. I don't know what to do.

Blue October will be in NYC in... October and I can't decide if I want to go watch them perform or rather go to Comic con.

I could possibly just go to both events or pretend that I never knew about it and buy shoes.

Comic con, Blue October or these Louboutins?

Such a tough decision...