More good vibes...

More love, more kindness, more happiness, more work, more time, more sleep, more tea, more books, more sunshine, more ice cream, more laughs, more flowers, more jokes, more giggles, more hugs, more kisses, more joy, more drawings, more photos, more sunrises, more late night silly conversations, more colors, more music...

I definitely want it all...
Wonder if 24 hours in a day would be enough to get all if this "moreness"?

It must all sound pretty naive, but I actually don't care, I'm all sunshine and daisies right now. Ignorance is incredibly bliss.

Music and color

If I wrote you a song, it would contain a rainbow.

A rainbow you created, 

Octaves and chords, the colors it could show, 

Bridges and pauses of  fleeting beauty reflected

Memories, melody and moments all entwined 

Capturing us in a song,

A fleeting moment, a glance, a gesture; the chords of  a life for which we long

A moment in time becomes our lullaby, our song.

If only I could write our lullaby, but the notes all seem wrong

The soothing tones all seem to be gone

Black and white like these keys, 

Stark and severe, nothing is ever as it seems.

They just multiplied... Like rabbits...Silly rabbits

My shoes multiplied... I seriously didn't know that I brought so many shoes to the USA.
My biggest bag isn't big enough to contain such beauty and wonder! I only bought two pairs since I've been here, which I personally think is a HUGE achievement.

Since I apparently also have more  handbags and clothes than I assumed, I need a few strong guys to help me move. Any volunteers? I will uh, reward you...

So much for being a strong independent woman...

Do you have chloroform??

I need to stop being so paranoid, not everyone carries a bottle of chloroform with them...Right?

So I've been apartment hunting... Nasty business in this city. I hate it.

I was suppose to look at a place today, but then my paranoia kicked in and I completely chickened out. I kept on thinking what an easy target I am.

I step into the building, one person distracts me with candy and another sneaks up behind me with a cloth soaked in chloroform and after a few hours I wake up in a bath tub of ice and some missing organs. (It's usually a kidney, but you never know when they would take half of my liver) 

Ugh, I don't know if I should blame it on all the weird movies I've been watching, the fact that I'm South African or that I just don't trust people in general... (Post for another day)

Maybe I should have a set of questions that should be answered.

1. Can you name one use for chloroform?

2. Do you know how to sell organs on the black market?

3. Will you be offended if I bring a black light along to look for body fluids?

4. Do you have any fetishes that are frowned upon?

5. Do you know anything about security surveillance, hidden cameras and bugging?

I'm stopping there, this is freaking me out more...

Perspective...

The day will come when all of this makes sense...
I guess that life has many twists and turns and sometimes fighting to survive is just a way to prove that we're alive.

Yes, I am alive and healthy, so why am I sad? I've seen so many cancer patients in the past week fighting to survive and here I am, alive and ungrateful.

I'm not starving. Why am I upset? I actually eat too much and it's not always healthy and so many others have nothing and the little that they do have, needs to be shared with many in order to survive.

I can read. Why am I being miserable? I have the opportunity to learn and escape in a world of literature, where others can't even write their own names.

I have a wardrobe filled with useless clothing. Why do I think I have nothing to wear?
Someone else would give anything to just have another shirt or maybe a pair of shoes.

I think I'm alone. What rubbish. My support system is just a message or a phone call away... I'm not alone, I haven't lost my parents and siblings, we're a complete family. How many people can say that in a war and disease riddled country?

I'm complaining about the dark that I think I'm in... I just forgot to look at the stars...

The moment before dawn...

There are no words,

Words cannot seem to express how I feel at the moment.
Moments of elation and twisted darkness are wrapped into one.
Confusion, clarity, wonder, love, anger... Spun into a fragile web of delusion.

 Light and dark.
The moment before dawn.

No real words, just another world.

       I live in...

             A fairytale...

                    Too far away...

                             For anyone to find...

10 days...

I have 10 days left before it's  time for a mass explosion of excuses for my current behavior of weirdness, experimentation and chaos in general.

10 damn days until I am 25  old enough to know better.
So what will I be doing that day? Good question, unless it's getting seriously happy about the fact that I have succeeded in living this long, hiding and disappearing off the grid sounds like a good idea as well. Not that it will be likely, I can only imagine that the chaos will only continue to become more chaotic.

After a huge internal monologue, assessing options and just being me in general, I have realized what I want in life. I'm also too scared to go out and get it.

I have also come to the conclusion that I am a bigger coward than what I at first thought. It's horrible how self criticism makes you realize this.
So now is my time to shine, to be daring, to make (even more) mistakes and to probably get rid of that wall that I built around my heart. Enough is enough.

I have lived in the shadows for long enough and I have been provoked for long enough as well. Funny how someone would want you out of their lives but turn back and try to hurt/provoke/amuse you. Thank you for the amusement factor, I enjoy it, but once again, enough is enough. (you didn't succeed in the other two, you just annoyed me and made for a good giggle)

10 days is what I have left... 10 days of being stupid, young and irresponsible. Or  rather 10 days to catch up on all the times that I have not been young stupid and irresponsible.

The next 10 days are going to feel like seconds anyway at this rate, so Cutting Jade's 10 seconds is very appropriate...

Yes, I do have ADD, what gave it away???

Some days I think it's good to ramble on about meaningless things, or turning things that are meaningful into a bit of a joke...
Like my life at the moment. Incredibly meaningful, trying and fulfilling, but also one big damn joke, cliche, contradiction. Call it whatever you like.

The past two weeks, I have attempted to isolate myself. This in itself is one huge joke as I still don't shut up and talk to anything that moves on a daily basis.
What I have done though is watch a whole bunch of movies, read books until the morning hours and eat my whole supply of emergency-the zombies are here- candy.
At this rate I won't even get to see/kill/join the zombies as I probably have diabetes type II. *opens third box of milk duds*

I lost track of what I wanted to write. It was incredibly important and mind boggling.
Had something to do with time not existing, yet still being able to believe in the future.
Whatever, it was...

Is probably not that useful, so what I will say is: Everything is relative. ( Einstein moment?)

Oh me oh my...

I am such an idiot.
Yesterday I decided that I should get rid of my comfort zone...Again.
My big, bright, clever idea just screwed me over. *shaking my fist at the universe while uttering profanities*

Last time I said this (last year April) I was so busy, so stressed and all over the place and... actually had the time of my life. After looking back at all of this, I decided to get rid of my comfort zone again. I've created a pretty nice, safe little routine for myself and as much as what I liked it, I miss discovering new things.

Well the universe heard this yesterday and decided to rip my comfort away in a good 15 minutes... I just got thrown into the deep end of the freaking shark pool... Nice...

Here's to life, here's to stress and here's to being freaked out and traumatized for the next few months.

Oh by the way universe, one good thing should happen now, I'm slightly tired of the challenges...